yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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