Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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