It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
