There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
