Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
