I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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