all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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