I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
