Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
