I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
