I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
