You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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