he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
