Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
