Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
