My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
