they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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