Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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