i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
