I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hippo gnu deer
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
