I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think a kid would responsible me up
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
