..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
