ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I want a musical about memes.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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