just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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