I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
