I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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