dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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