You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We left an ass print on the piano.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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