I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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