In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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