It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
