so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
