How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize