i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
cat food counts as protein by the way
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
