i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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