Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
