The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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