ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
