Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
