So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
