The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
