peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
