guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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