I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
