We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
