'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
