It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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