I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize