I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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