"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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