my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
