Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
