she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
