i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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