HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
