Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
