i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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