Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
