My friends, they love my intelligence
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
