Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I enjoy the company of your penis
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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