I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize