You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
