just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
