Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize