I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
