his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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