my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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