I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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