Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
